Dancing to Another Tune (with YCC)

First, I would like to apologize for my lack of maintenance and posts. It's been almost five months--truthfully, I've either been too busy or too lazy. This will most likely be a long post, so get yourself comfortable.

This summer I worked as a crewmember for Virginia State Parks Youth Conservation Corps. And in all of its cliche, it was one of the most incredible experiences of my lifetime. See, YCC was all about bringing strangers together for one cause--bettering the state park and the environment. I learned so much down there and I wish to share these with you.

There were thirteen of us, ages 14-21. We had no cellphones, no laptops or internet, no Netflix. Nothing. Those three weeks were purely spent on working and learning to grow with absolute strangers and become a family. But let me tell you, that first week was god-awful. We were fighting, talking behind each others' backs, spreading lies. The worst part was that we would pretend everything was alright when in reality, we wanted nothing more than to go home. None of us were happy. But after that first week, we laid down all of our grievances, started a clean slate, and had a decent second week. There were still problems, but we made it through. And that last week... I don't believe I've ever grown closer to anyone than I had to those girls. It was the time of my life. Working with them, pouring our lives to each other, clucking in the middle of the night to see if someone else was awake--it was beautiful. It was real. We'd talk about our problems, our past lovers, our hard lives back at home. We'd share embarrassing stories by campfires or scare each other silly. 

I learned a great deal down there. I learned that for one, you should never take your friends and family for granted. Because once you leave them, be it for three weeks or three years, you will spend the longest time telling yourself that you should have done this, you should have been there when that person needed you most, you should have appreciated that person and cared for them while you had the chance. Leaving my friends was hard, leaving my dog was harder, and leaving my family was tough, but nice at the beginning--let's face it, all of us need a break from our families once in a while.

And that was part of the reason why I applied for the job. I wanted to get away, I needed to breathe and get to know myself more and learn more about what I want to spend my future doing--saving the environment. And it was wonderful. Every single day after work I would go sit outside by the old shed and write in my journal for at least one hour--be it songs, four page journal entries, or letters. It helped me cope with being unhappy at first, it was my escape from everyone. I had time for my own thoughts, asking myself why am I here? Where will I go? Am I happy? 

And I was happy. I am happy. When I was left behind on long bike rides I would sometimes just take a minute to stop, look around, breathe in the fresh, clean air, and appreciate all of what this beautiful earth has provided for me and imagine all of the things I look so forward to do to give back. 

Two days before we left, my supervisor and bunkmate asked me to go on a run with them--given the fact that I am no runner and my supervisor was a marathon runner and the other a cross-country runner. One of the girls to whom I grew closest to ran with me. They told us they would go ahead twenty minutes and then come back to run with us back home. Well, three hours and seven miles later, no one in sight, the state park police picked us up and said everyone was looking for my friend and I and that Cassie and Desiree (the girls who asked me to run with them) were already home and had been for two hours. It was confusing and we will never really know what happened that day, but when we arrived home to girls crying, bringing us water, hugging us--I realized these girls were my family and I would do anything for them. And as I sit here typing this, now crying, I wish more than anything to go back and to tell every single one of them how much I adored them and how much I miss them. Because they all taught me one of the greatest lessons of all.

And that's teamwork. I realized then and there that it's not always about me--it's about everyone. We were forced to become close, to lessen the tension at breakfast in the mornings, to lift 200 pound timbers together without breaking someone's foot or hand. But after awhile, we loved it. Our supervisors would have to yell at us because we didn't want to go to sleep; we just wanted to keep talking and keep learning more and more. We loved each other and I know those girls won't forget our times together those three weeks. Because we became a family. Our supervisors were like our older sisters, and it felt that way to them instead of our babysitters. 

It was the time of my life. I'll never forget the looks on all of our faces as we tubed down the river with the sun burning us alive, or the time we went to Cookout and could have clogged all of Foster Falls. How  happy one of them looked when we tried to teach her how to swim, or when I beat them every single time we played Egyptian Rat Screw. We were beautiful and we were infinite, and as much as I longed to go home, I realized that last day that I would never be able to have something like that again. 

So, with this post, I tell you all to go out there and be who you are and learn to love strangers and appreciate and hold the ones you have. We are all interconnected in some way, and once we open ourselves, it is like discovering the caves of our souls and how we are meant to be--how we want to be. Go for your dreams and your life aspirations. You will find happiness and you will discover inner peace. Thank you for taking the time to read this.

P.S. Tiara, Olivia, Gaby, Desiree, Evelina, Kaija, Amena, Sidney, Natassia, Cassie, Mary-Ellen, and Jade... if any of you are reading this, always know that I will always remember you and keep our memories with me forever, and that you all were such a huge part of my life. Thank you so much.

Girl in a Glass Dress

First I want to apologize for not posting anything in a while--I've had a lot going on and it's been pretty overwhelming. Also, I just haven't had a clue as to what to post. Sure I've had lots to say, but I also don't want to waste anyone's time by posting something that isn't really valuable or helpful.

Get comfortable ladies and gentleman, because this is going to be a long post.

Lately, even more than before, I've come to realize that I don't have many friends. I don't really have anyone I can trust, my "closest" friends judge me worse than strangers, and no matter what I do right, one wrong will set everyone to explode. It doesn't seem right to me at all. 

Last summer in early July, my best friend of several years and who was apparently in love with me for all of those years betrayed me. He ruined my relationships with the only people I cared for at the time, he ruined my trust, and he ruined my reputation. After not seeing or communicating with him for eight months, one night I saw him and I was overwhelmed with emotion and memories and unfortunately I mistook this for love. So even after what he did to me, I let him back in. And it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Since then, I have refused to talk to him because I know that if I open my mouth, I'll say something rude, demeaning, but very true. Now, that group of friends hate me because I'm apparently being a jerk. One of them I've been friends with for years and now he barely talks to me. Even one of their moms, who I adored, is disappointed in me all because I won't say bye to him? How does this make sense? If you ask me, I'm taking the mature route so I don't make the situation messy. But apparently, that's not right. Apparently, I'm a bad person. Needless to say, I've decided they're not good people for me and have officially ended whatever "friendships" those were.

People take their friends for granted. No matter what you do for them, they will always turn their back on you when you need them most. I don't mean to be depressing and pessimistic, I'm just being completely honest. Don't fool yourself into believing that everyone you care for, cares for you as well. That was my mistake. However, I do have some friends that are perfect angels to me and treat me incredibly well. We have a balanced friendship. And I have never appreciated people more in my life than those who remind me that things are okay and things are going to get better. Because they always get better.

I tell myself every day, "Good things come to good people." No matter how rough the going is, it's going to eventually smooth out and when you look outside the window, all you will see is opportunity and happiness. Lame, right? But it's what helps me get through whatever down feelings I'm having. I know that abandoning all of my unhealthy relationships and focusing on myself and school will lead  me where I want to go. I'm hoping I'll soon have a job so I can start taking care of my own responsibilities instead of my dad having to worry about them,  because that's not his job. I want to start putting myself out there like I've always imagined and tell the world who Chelsea Dale is and that I don't care if they care or not. It's time for me.

That's my advice to everyone. Please don't waste your time with people you care for who never return that love and appreciation you dote out without thinking first. Those attributes and virtues are precious and should be saved for those who care about you most, not those who you want to care for you. And focus on you. You are the single most important human being in your life. You are the one who will decide your fate and lead yourself to where you want to go. Stop worrying about what other people think; it's only your thoughts and opinions that matter. However, don't get carried away with this virtue and become overwhelmingly egotistical; things will not turn out all that well. Just always remember that you come first. Then after that, give those close, beautiful friends your love and appreciation, because you'll be a lot happier giving much and taking little. It's a really great feeling.

So, I suppose this post wasn't all that long and I really hope I didn't waste any of you all's time. Just know that I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to read this, it means a lot lot lot to me. I hope everyone has a wonderful Spring!

Mr. Grouchy-Pants

Sometimes we all get in moods that completely ruin the entire mood for everyone--and don't say you haven't. We may be grumpy because we failed a test, or our plans were cancelled, or maybe we just feel really sick--but to bring everyone else down with us isn't going to make anything better, if not actually make it worse. 

 

My younger brother is at that age where he's always grumpy and moody--and when it's particularly extreme, it brings everyone else down. For example, tonight we were seeing my mother and he wanted to go to the mall with his friends. My mother wouldn't let him because she wanted to spend time with us while we were there. He proceeded to yell, stomp, proclaim his hate for all of us, and ruin what could have been a great night. However, my mother and I decided to go along as if he wasn't miserable because his plans fell through (as if thirteen year olds actually have real plans--I know I didn't, but that's just my opinion).

 

When I'm in a bad mood, I try not to make it obvious to anyone and try to still be happy. Unfortunately, if something particularly bothers me, I have an episode of lashing out, but it's always laughed off. And that's the way to get over your bad mood--laugh it off. It's healthy, it's comfortable, and sometimes helps you forget whatever is making you aggravated to begin with.

 

Another way to deal with grouchiness is meditating and calming yourself down. Sometimes when I'm upset and grumpy, I go to my little happy place, calm down, and think over my situation. What's important to remember is that it's never as bad as it seems, and if all you are is grouchy, it's easy to get over.

 

So if you're being Mr. or Mrs. Grouchy-Pants, think carefully over your situation and your attitude before you decide to bring everyone else down with you. Because not only do they not deserve it, but it's not worth it to make you and everyone else upset. So chill out and have fun.

When Helping Others Helps Yourself

Today while I was driving with my thirteen-year-old brother to Subway, I saw something that made me yell out, "Oh my gosh!" at least five times before understanding what I had taken in--I'm sure we've all had those moments. At a very busy intersection, I saw a young man wearing a grey hoodie roll out of his car having a seizure. The car was stopped and in the turning lane, but still--this man was having a seizure and no one was stopping to help. I won't lie, I almost didn't turn around. But I did, and when I arrived to the car, I saw a dark-skinned male most likely in his late forties talking on the phone. In thirty seconds, the boy I saw rolling out of the car had disappeared, the car's lights were flashing, the trunk was open, and the man was talking on his phone. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. When I asked him if everything was okay, all he said was, and rather rudely, "Yeah, my car's broken down, just go around me." I didn't even know how to take it in. My brother swears I was hallucinating, and I suppose all evidence points to the same conclusion, but I know I couldn't have just not seen it. 

After this event, I felt really good. Sure, there may not be something right with me if I actually did hallucinate something like that, but I felt great. I went out of my way to help a stranger. And although I couldn't do anything for the man, I did something for myself. I decided to stop thinking about myself for once and did a selfless act. I guess you could say I'm being conceited just by saying how good of a person I became for just that split second, but it doesn't change anything. Being there for other people not only makes them feel better, but also makes yourself feel better.

Even simple things like saving that last double chocolate chip cookie for your sibling or splitting your lunch with a friend who forgot theirs can make someone's day all the better. Complimenting on someone's new hairstyle is a great confidence booster for them, and if you're lucky, you'll get a compliment back, which is always welcoming. 

Point is, being selfless is a great feeling with great rewards. You're rewarded with their gratification and a pat on the back from your parent or even yourself. Volunteering in your community is a fantastic way to help others,  because not only does that relieve a special burden off people's backs, you feel like a new person. 

I've noticed that when I help others be happy, I'm also helping myself be happy. When you put aside your own selfish wants and start thinking about what other people need, you're automatically in a more optimistic position in life. Even when the consequences put you down in the dumps, knowing that you've made someone's day, week, month, or even a year so much better, it's enough to keep you satisfied at least for a little bit. 

I think it's healthiest if there's a balance between what you've done for others and what you've done solely for yourself. It isn't good to think doing any selfish act is bad and should be avoided at all costs--you gotta keep yourself happy, too, right? Just try to maintain that balance and life will be so much better. I had a much better night after I stopped for that man. I expected to be in an awful mood because I was visiting my mother, and she and I don't exactly have the best relationship. But when I came back from Subway, we all had a great time together, and we were all happy enough. 

Helping others DOES benefit yourself as well. Every single time.