First I want to apologize for not posting anything in a while--I've had a lot going on and it's been pretty overwhelming. Also, I just haven't had a clue as to what to post. Sure I've had lots to say, but I also don't want to waste anyone's time by posting something that isn't really valuable or helpful.
Get comfortable ladies and gentleman, because this is going to be a long post.
Lately, even more than before, I've come to realize that I don't have many friends. I don't really have anyone I can trust, my "closest" friends judge me worse than strangers, and no matter what I do right, one wrong will set everyone to explode. It doesn't seem right to me at all.
Last summer in early July, my best friend of several years and who was apparently in love with me for all of those years betrayed me. He ruined my relationships with the only people I cared for at the time, he ruined my trust, and he ruined my reputation. After not seeing or communicating with him for eight months, one night I saw him and I was overwhelmed with emotion and memories and unfortunately I mistook this for love. So even after what he did to me, I let him back in. And it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Since then, I have refused to talk to him because I know that if I open my mouth, I'll say something rude, demeaning, but very true. Now, that group of friends hate me because I'm apparently being a jerk. One of them I've been friends with for years and now he barely talks to me. Even one of their moms, who I adored, is disappointed in me all because I won't say bye to him? How does this make sense? If you ask me, I'm taking the mature route so I don't make the situation messy. But apparently, that's not right. Apparently, I'm a bad person. Needless to say, I've decided they're not good people for me and have officially ended whatever "friendships" those were.
People take their friends for granted. No matter what you do for them, they will always turn their back on you when you need them most. I don't mean to be depressing and pessimistic, I'm just being completely honest. Don't fool yourself into believing that everyone you care for, cares for you as well. That was my mistake. However, I do have some friends that are perfect angels to me and treat me incredibly well. We have a balanced friendship. And I have never appreciated people more in my life than those who remind me that things are okay and things are going to get better. Because they always get better.
I tell myself every day, "Good things come to good people." No matter how rough the going is, it's going to eventually smooth out and when you look outside the window, all you will see is opportunity and happiness. Lame, right? But it's what helps me get through whatever down feelings I'm having. I know that abandoning all of my unhealthy relationships and focusing on myself and school will lead me where I want to go. I'm hoping I'll soon have a job so I can start taking care of my own responsibilities instead of my dad having to worry about them, because that's not his job. I want to start putting myself out there like I've always imagined and tell the world who Chelsea Dale is and that I don't care if they care or not. It's time for me.
That's my advice to everyone. Please don't waste your time with people you care for who never return that love and appreciation you dote out without thinking first. Those attributes and virtues are precious and should be saved for those who care about you most, not those who you want to care for you. And focus on you. You are the single most important human being in your life. You are the one who will decide your fate and lead yourself to where you want to go. Stop worrying about what other people think; it's only your thoughts and opinions that matter. However, don't get carried away with this virtue and become overwhelmingly egotistical; things will not turn out all that well. Just always remember that you come first. Then after that, give those close, beautiful friends your love and appreciation, because you'll be a lot happier giving much and taking little. It's a really great feeling.
So, I suppose this post wasn't all that long and I really hope I didn't waste any of you all's time. Just know that I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to read this, it means a lot lot lot to me. I hope everyone has a wonderful Spring!