Girl in a Glass Dress

First I want to apologize for not posting anything in a while--I've had a lot going on and it's been pretty overwhelming. Also, I just haven't had a clue as to what to post. Sure I've had lots to say, but I also don't want to waste anyone's time by posting something that isn't really valuable or helpful.

Get comfortable ladies and gentleman, because this is going to be a long post.

Lately, even more than before, I've come to realize that I don't have many friends. I don't really have anyone I can trust, my "closest" friends judge me worse than strangers, and no matter what I do right, one wrong will set everyone to explode. It doesn't seem right to me at all. 

Last summer in early July, my best friend of several years and who was apparently in love with me for all of those years betrayed me. He ruined my relationships with the only people I cared for at the time, he ruined my trust, and he ruined my reputation. After not seeing or communicating with him for eight months, one night I saw him and I was overwhelmed with emotion and memories and unfortunately I mistook this for love. So even after what he did to me, I let him back in. And it was one of the biggest mistakes of my life. Since then, I have refused to talk to him because I know that if I open my mouth, I'll say something rude, demeaning, but very true. Now, that group of friends hate me because I'm apparently being a jerk. One of them I've been friends with for years and now he barely talks to me. Even one of their moms, who I adored, is disappointed in me all because I won't say bye to him? How does this make sense? If you ask me, I'm taking the mature route so I don't make the situation messy. But apparently, that's not right. Apparently, I'm a bad person. Needless to say, I've decided they're not good people for me and have officially ended whatever "friendships" those were.

People take their friends for granted. No matter what you do for them, they will always turn their back on you when you need them most. I don't mean to be depressing and pessimistic, I'm just being completely honest. Don't fool yourself into believing that everyone you care for, cares for you as well. That was my mistake. However, I do have some friends that are perfect angels to me and treat me incredibly well. We have a balanced friendship. And I have never appreciated people more in my life than those who remind me that things are okay and things are going to get better. Because they always get better.

I tell myself every day, "Good things come to good people." No matter how rough the going is, it's going to eventually smooth out and when you look outside the window, all you will see is opportunity and happiness. Lame, right? But it's what helps me get through whatever down feelings I'm having. I know that abandoning all of my unhealthy relationships and focusing on myself and school will lead  me where I want to go. I'm hoping I'll soon have a job so I can start taking care of my own responsibilities instead of my dad having to worry about them,  because that's not his job. I want to start putting myself out there like I've always imagined and tell the world who Chelsea Dale is and that I don't care if they care or not. It's time for me.

That's my advice to everyone. Please don't waste your time with people you care for who never return that love and appreciation you dote out without thinking first. Those attributes and virtues are precious and should be saved for those who care about you most, not those who you want to care for you. And focus on you. You are the single most important human being in your life. You are the one who will decide your fate and lead yourself to where you want to go. Stop worrying about what other people think; it's only your thoughts and opinions that matter. However, don't get carried away with this virtue and become overwhelmingly egotistical; things will not turn out all that well. Just always remember that you come first. Then after that, give those close, beautiful friends your love and appreciation, because you'll be a lot happier giving much and taking little. It's a really great feeling.

So, I suppose this post wasn't all that long and I really hope I didn't waste any of you all's time. Just know that I appreciate every single one of you who takes the time to read this, it means a lot lot lot to me. I hope everyone has a wonderful Spring!

Standing Up for Yourself

Recently someone (actually it was the girl I talked about in my "You've Got a Friend in Me" post) told me that I was very hypocritical for advocating pacifism and stopping wars and yet telling my friends that I hated her. Because apparently since I hate her I'm obviously the most pessimistic, hateful misanthrope anyone has ever come across (unfortunately when people say that sort of thing to me I become very sarcastic). Apparently I'm really negative because God forbid I get a bad grade I'm supposed to be enthusiastic about it? When I first responded to her I was very calm and mature. But after a couple of days of thinking over the fact that she had the nerve to tell me I was hypocrite really got to me; so I kind of released all of my tension and said all I had to say to her.

Now I understand that may seem immature. But I did it in order to defend myself and my character. When someone tells you that you're a hypocrite or a terrible person when you know you're not, that person just can't expect you to take the hit and be okay. You have to defend yourself. I find it terrible when people do that because then it makes me really negative and I feel like I have to shoot back condescending words. Obviously it's not like I cuss at someone for telling me something degrading because that's kind of unnecessary. But you get the point.

When someone tries to tell you who you are, don't listen to them, and try your very hardest not to handle it really immaturely. Don't call them names and try not to yell (I completely understand how hard that can be, though, believe me). Just defend yourself and your name because no one deserves that. Unless it's really bad. I know it sucks that people feel like they have that right and all... and I mean, they technically do if you think about it in a political sense, but it doesn't mean that it's okay. And that's what bothers me the most. Honestly I felt like I had the right to tell that girl she wasn't a good person because she made me believe she was someone I could rely on for three years and that she actually cared about me. I felt I had the right to tell her that because she told me her brother (who I was absolutely crazy about for a very, very long time) used me, but it was "okay because he uses everyone," (what's funny is that she set us up so apparently she knew that?). I felt that it was completely okay to tell her she wasn't good  because I knew her extremely well (but apparently not well enough) and understood how she really thought about everything. And when it's a situation like that, I personally believe that you can tell that awful person in your life that they're not good and that they don't deserve your friendship. 

Stand up for yourself and never let people get the best of you. You know yourself better than anyone. Just remember not to take it too personally and don't let it get to your head. As shown by this post, I obviously let it get to my head. As long as you know you're a good enough person to understand this, it just shows how much more mature and laid back you are, and will surely get you farther than all of those other people. Always defend yourself.

My Funny Valentine

The first of February is tomorrow, and only one thing comes to mind when February is here... Valentine's Day!

I personally love Valentine's Day. It's the perfect day to show your loved ones how much you care and appreciate them. And that's what Valentine's Day is all about. It doesn't matter if you have a date to go out with and have the most cliche Valentine's Day ever. The expensive foods, the romantic movies, the chocolates and flowers--you don't need to receive those in order to have a beautiful Valentine's Day (though let me tell you, buy me flowers and I'll be yours). 

I've only had two valentines and to be completely honest, both nights were terrible. But every year, for as long as I could remember, I'd wake up on Valentine's Day, run straight to the kitchen, and my mother would have set out a stuffed animal and chocolates for each of us at the kitchen table. This year I live with my dad, and when I asked him what he was doing for us on Valentine's Day he said, "Parents don't give their kids stuff on Valentine's Day! That's for couples." But he agreed to continue the tradition for my sake.

But see, Valentine's Day isn't only for couples and it is NOT a Hallmark holiday. To think of it as the latter is really pessimistic and can easily bring other people down. But Valentine's Day is the day to spread love and joy to everyone around you and show your loved ones especially how much you appreciate them. What I personally love to do every year is sing love songs all day long. It annoys everyone else, but it makes me really happy and optimistic. Buying flowers for your friends is always thoughtful and definitely appreciated, but if you don't have the money, picking flowers (even at this time of the year) is just as thoughtful. Watching a cute romantic comedy with the family is always fun, and it's great to end the night with baked goods for them. 

Just remember this year that Valentine's Day really isn't only for couples. It's not about who's there to love you for this one time of the year, but the ones who have loved you for years and who will always be by your side. That's what it's all about, and that is what's most important.

Here's some funny Valentine's Day cards that should hopefully crack a smile.

You've Got a Friend in Me

From what I've experienced lately, finding out that someone you have cared dearly for and appreciated has actually pretended to be your friend is overwhelmingly disheartening. Especially in high school, friendships are a crucial part of life; they're what help you get through your troubles when you have no one to turn to and you just can't go to your family for. But they're not forever, and that's a fact.

On New Years' Eve, I found out that one of my closest friends of three years and also my neighbor only considers us "friends because we're neighbors." When I heard that, I was absolutely shocked. Someone who I had cared for dearly, someone who I had spent time with constantly, someone who I had appreciated and a friendship that I put so much effort into because I adored her; it all meant absolutely nothing to her. Surprisingly, though, I wasn't really upset. I just felt betrayed and embarrassed because she completely fooled me into believing she was a good friend.

Ever since, I've been happier. Weird, right? But I've been happy because it helped me realize who my true friends are and that not everyone deserves my unconditional love, care, and appreciation like I originally thought. Truthfully, it's hard to find someone and be able to have the chance of being friends with them for so long. Let's face it, life isn't all that short, it's long as all get out. 

One person you will always have no matter what--and no, it's not your mother--is yourself. You will always be your own best friend because you know how to make yourself happy when you're down and you know what's best for you, despite what people like to believe. Sometimes, even telling stories to yourself in the mirror is a totally reasonable way to vent out your emotions; you can't embarrass yourself in front of yourself and you can't be weirded out and choose not to hang out with yourself anymore.

I know this sounds crazy, but it's completely true. It's just always good to understand that when you feel like the whole world is against you and you have no one to turn to--you always have yourself. And eventually, those beautiful, ever-lasting friendships will develop and you'll be happier than ever. Just make sure that you're not wasting your precious energy, love, effort, and time to those who don't deserve someone as beautiful and wonderful as you are. 

Mr. Grouchy-Pants

Sometimes we all get in moods that completely ruin the entire mood for everyone--and don't say you haven't. We may be grumpy because we failed a test, or our plans were cancelled, or maybe we just feel really sick--but to bring everyone else down with us isn't going to make anything better, if not actually make it worse. 

 

My younger brother is at that age where he's always grumpy and moody--and when it's particularly extreme, it brings everyone else down. For example, tonight we were seeing my mother and he wanted to go to the mall with his friends. My mother wouldn't let him because she wanted to spend time with us while we were there. He proceeded to yell, stomp, proclaim his hate for all of us, and ruin what could have been a great night. However, my mother and I decided to go along as if he wasn't miserable because his plans fell through (as if thirteen year olds actually have real plans--I know I didn't, but that's just my opinion).

 

When I'm in a bad mood, I try not to make it obvious to anyone and try to still be happy. Unfortunately, if something particularly bothers me, I have an episode of lashing out, but it's always laughed off. And that's the way to get over your bad mood--laugh it off. It's healthy, it's comfortable, and sometimes helps you forget whatever is making you aggravated to begin with.

 

Another way to deal with grouchiness is meditating and calming yourself down. Sometimes when I'm upset and grumpy, I go to my little happy place, calm down, and think over my situation. What's important to remember is that it's never as bad as it seems, and if all you are is grouchy, it's easy to get over.

 

So if you're being Mr. or Mrs. Grouchy-Pants, think carefully over your situation and your attitude before you decide to bring everyone else down with you. Because not only do they not deserve it, but it's not worth it to make you and everyone else upset. So chill out and have fun.

Breaking Out of Your Shell

I think one of the things that affected me the most was being too scared to do something different. To break out of my shell and have fun, have some (positive) experiences, get involved in new (legal) activities. This was something that stopped me from doing a lot of things I wish I had done when I had the chance. 

Personally, I believe that people don't do a lot of things they want to do because they're worried about what people will think, or how silly they'll look. I know a lot of people won't try out for a sports team because they feel like those who have been on it all of high school and playing for years will look down on them and judge them. Some may not want to reveal that they can sing because all their lives they've been pretending they can't, leaving people to believe they're god-awful.

Is that really how people want to live their lives?

I know from personal experiences that breaking out of my shell has left me feeling great and with such a positive attitude. I've met new people, I've had my perspective on a lot of situations altered, and now I'm writing a blog that I'm (still) worried will never make much of a difference to anyone--but it makes me happy. In fact a couple weeks ago, I gave someone from one of the other ACE teams my school competes against my number for the very first time in my life. Sure, it didn't go anywhere with him, but now I have the confidence to make such a move. Yes, that's a pretty bad example of bursting the bubble, but my confidence, self-esteem, and attitude have been upped and that always makes a difference. 

So break out of your shell, even if it's just for once. Ask that girl out, try out for that sports team, audition for that talent show--show the world what you're really made of and don't be worried about what they'll think, because in the end, it's only what you think that matters. Just be wise in your decisions.